I've never experienced such an emotional end to a year. I can't say, as I usually do, "I'm so ready to be done with the old year." Of course, I'm ready...but 2010 was a year of extremes. The joy of my life arrived but I also lost loved ones and friends. January 17th brought the high point of my year, and several days following were the lowest points in my entire life.
There is one thing I can say for certain, 2010 will be a year I will always remember. There were times I loved it and times I loathed it. I can only pray that 2011 is full of joy and endless possibilities. I wish the same to you & yours.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Tis the season for updates...
We got to the hospital around 6am and went to day surgery (which, we will remember next time, doesn't even open until 7am.) So much for those reminder letters that firmly state to arrive by 6. While Clark was being checked in, he was weighed in his old cast so that we could then weigh the cast once they sawed it off of him, and then reweigh him in his new cast SO we would have an accurate weight when we go to his RSV clinic every month.
So, we saw the day surgery nurse, then we saw the anesthesiology resident (cue menacing: dun dun DUNNNNN). A little bit later the anesthesiologist comes in, who I find out later, is the head of anesthesiology at the hospital. She scoops him up and carries him away to the OR. Surgery takes about 45 minutes & his doctor comes out to fill us in. His hip looks perfect, it didn't pop out when they "manipulated" (I'm thinking, in OR speak, that roughly translates as "brutalized") it. He's now in a shorter cast (cue angels singing) and provided all goes well, we should be done with this cast business by mid January. I'll be holding my breath until then, but I must say that things have been MUCH better since we got rid of the blue cast.
Ok, so you know there's a BUT coming, right? For starters, Clark came back from the OR screaming and looking like this:
Which, ok, I know...I'm his mother, and I will notice tiny differences. But just for the sake of explanation, and because I have the pictures, let me show you how he looked following his last two (invasive) surgeries. As a reminder, during this surgery all they did was replace the cast & inject dye into his hip socket, no scalpels.
On the left is his hernia surgery in March and on the right is from his hip surgery in October. Both pictures are immediately following recovery, just like the 1st one. He's normal colored in both and not screaming. So you can see where I might have sensed something was amiss.
It took me several minutes, but once I was able to calm him, I noticed some very red, angry looking scrapes beneath both ears behind his jaw. I've circled it in this picture:
Long, long story semi-short: I asked the nurse what the scrapes were and he said they looked like they were from a jaw thrust which they use to "get the baby to scream after surgery" (his words). I let it go at first because I'm like, well...ok, makes sense I guess. I asked the anesthesia resident if everything went ok during surgery. He said "oh, yeah." Then Clark started vomiting (which also has never happened post-op). He continued to vomit after every bottle on the way home and the following day. We went to see our dear friend, who is a chiropractor, and she said his neck was quite out of alignment. So, then I start thinking, ok...jaw thrust, neck problems...um....hmmmm.
Let me insert that I did use my google-fu to find out more about jaw thrusts, and from what I can tell, they're used when an infant patient isn't oxygenating well. Other methods used are foot or chest thumps (with which we are quite familiar.) But nothing mentioned using jaw thrusts to awaken a patient from surgery, or really anything other than using the method as a life saving technique.
So I got in touch with the head of anesthesiology (who, remember, was the attending during surgery). I was pretty hot at this point, but I laid it all out on the table. Q: Why the jaw thrust? A: "It's a very gentle procedure, but I'm looking back through the notes and I see there were no problems during surgery..." So again....WHY the jaw thrust & it's not very gentle if there are scrapes!? I never did get a definitive answer. Just that she left the resident holding the vent tube while she "charted". Oh..and said resident is going into a staff doctor position next week. Watch out kids...
I requested to get the anesthesiologist from our 1st surgery from here on out. Request granted. You better believe I'm going to hold them to it. And guys, get yourself to the chiropractor...they work magic. Clark's vomiting improved after 1 adjustment and has virtually ceased after 2. Better yet, if you're in central Texas, go see Dr Jessi at Isdale Chiropractic in Killeen...and yeah, tell her Clark sent you.
Ok, so, now that you've heard the extended version of our cast #2 saga.. I'll show you the cast.
Let me just tell you that Clark is *thrilled* to be in the shorter cast. He can snuggle closer, kick his feet around AND turn in a circle on the floor! That's big stuff for a baby in a body cast. The top of this one comes up pretty stinkin high, unfortunately. But, the faster he grows, the smaller the cast will seem. And January is just around the corner. We cannot wait for him to be cast-free!
`Tis the season..for photography, apparently. I'm crossing my fingers that Santa brings me a new lens. (Oh, and some much-needed photography lessons..heh.)
I know you probably get tired of hearing this, but I really do appreciate you caring enough to take the time to read about Clark. I don't post near as often as I once did, but rest assured, I don't plan on leaving the world of blogging any time soon. I hope this season finds you well and that you can enjoy it with the people who mean the most to you in this life. Please be in prayer, especially during this season, for the families who have lost someone. No one can bring comfort like God.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
So the hours are ticking away and day surgery is fast approaching. I'm on the edge of losing it. I've had enough hospital for the rest of my life. I'm sick of my baby having procedures done and going under anesthesia. Yes. I know how lucky and blessed we are that he's even here. Still. Enough of hospitals.
ps I still love you, Scottish Rite...just not right now. It's not you, it's me.
In other news, Clark had his appointment with the ophthalmologist on Thursday. Annnnd...drumroll please...he's extremely near sighted. He's getting baby spectacles. They'll look like this:
He's finally gotten the diagnosis of septo-optic dysplasia. The absent septum pellucidum part, as of yet, has yet to be confirmed by MRI, but that will come after all of this cast/hip business.
His optic nerve is what they call "hypoplastic" which is just a fancy word for "it's small, underdeveloped and therefore doesn't function fully". At least we skipped the hypoplastic lung part. So...optic nerve things, we can live with. Of course, genetics may also play a part, as Jeramy is quite nearsighted himself.
On to the details...
Tomorrow [Sunday] we leave for Dallas. We'll be staying at the Ronald McDonald House-Dallas again..it's a wonderful, wonderful house. And then Clark is scheduled to be admitted Monday morning at 6. His surgery should start at 8. I'm asking for all of you to pray for him. We just need everything to go smoothly and the best it possibly can. Also, please pray for us. I realize (and hope) that Clark will only be special needs for a short time, but it's very tough to handle some days. I have so much respect for families who are dealing with this day in, day out for years.
I recently read a quote on Facebook from one of my very dear antepartum nurses, it read: "Faith can move mountains, but don't be surprised if God hands you a shovel." I feel like God handed me a shovel last year. And without that shovel we wouldn't be where we are today. But I'm weary, in farm terms, I've been rode hard and put up wet, I'm draggin my heels. Digging, digging and digging is hard work.
Thank you guys for caring and especially for taking this journey with us by praying for us, and all your generosity and love. We couldn't ask for more.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thank You
I want to thank you, dear friends, for letting me have a little technology break over the past couple weeks. I have pictures to share, but I'll post those soon. I desperately needed to be away and recharge for awhile.
On Monday, Clark is scheduled for day surgery in Dallas. He will be getting a new cast (hopefully just to the knees this time!) Also, his doctor will perform an arthrogram to check the progress of his hip. That involves injecting contrast into the socket and doing an xray to see how the ball & socket are fitting together. We need some good news in that department so that his cast can come off asap.
In two days, Clark has an appointment with the ophthalmologist to check his eyes. We've been cautiously awaiting this appointment for months now. We know his vision is progressing, so we're hoping to not get a "legally blind" diagnosis. But, the nystagmus is still there and his eyes (which seemed to improve) have now been crossing more frequently lately. Prayers are definitely needed.
Well, I hope to get some pics edited and post them soon. I hope everyone enjoyed Thanksgiving. Clark did...he sure does love key lime pie!
On Monday, Clark is scheduled for day surgery in Dallas. He will be getting a new cast (hopefully just to the knees this time!) Also, his doctor will perform an arthrogram to check the progress of his hip. That involves injecting contrast into the socket and doing an xray to see how the ball & socket are fitting together. We need some good news in that department so that his cast can come off asap.
In two days, Clark has an appointment with the ophthalmologist to check his eyes. We've been cautiously awaiting this appointment for months now. We know his vision is progressing, so we're hoping to not get a "legally blind" diagnosis. But, the nystagmus is still there and his eyes (which seemed to improve) have now been crossing more frequently lately. Prayers are definitely needed.
Well, I hope to get some pics edited and post them soon. I hope everyone enjoyed Thanksgiving. Clark did...he sure does love key lime pie!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Amazing Stuff
A year ago, I would never have imagined we'd be where we are now. This time last year, I had already been on bed rest for 9 weeks. Clark had been without fluid for a month. The doctors were still asking me if I wanted to terminate every week. And most of you who knew me, along with myself and my family, were thinking the worst would probably happen.
I can tell you that in November 2009, absolutely, that I did not have a spirit of faith. I was running on fear and frayed nerves. I was just learning to pray for myself. I had no idea what God was about to do in my life.
God gets all the glory in this. He made me a strong person so I could fight for Clark. He gave Jeramy and I the strength to get through 126 days of bed rest, then 75 of the most terrifying days of our life while Clark was in the NICU.
For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition which I asked of Him.
1 Samuel 1:27
And it is God who designed the strongest and most wonderful boy I've ever known. In his short 10 months, he has been through things that most adults have never experienced. A machine breathed for him the first 3 weeks of his life, from that machine he got a terrible infection that nearly cost him his life. His heart and lungs were compromised. He's been through 2 surgeries, and is currently in a body cast. If someone had told me just over a year ago that there are children who experience this, I probably would have had a hard time believing it.
I can tell you that in November 2009, absolutely, that I did not have a spirit of faith. I was running on fear and frayed nerves. I was just learning to pray for myself. I had no idea what God was about to do in my life.
God gets all the glory in this. He made me a strong person so I could fight for Clark. He gave Jeramy and I the strength to get through 126 days of bed rest, then 75 of the most terrifying days of our life while Clark was in the NICU.
For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition which I asked of Him.
1 Samuel 1:27
And it is God who designed the strongest and most wonderful boy I've ever known. In his short 10 months, he has been through things that most adults have never experienced. A machine breathed for him the first 3 weeks of his life, from that machine he got a terrible infection that nearly cost him his life. His heart and lungs were compromised. He's been through 2 surgeries, and is currently in a body cast. If someone had told me just over a year ago that there are children who experience this, I probably would have had a hard time believing it.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made
Psalm 139:14
Psalm 139:14
I stand amazed, and probably always will, at what God has done for us. It is certain that I don't deserve any of it, but such is the nature of God that he loves me even when I'm not doing my best. We appreciate every prayer you've prayed for us over the past year, we know that we couldn't have done this otherwise.
Every good and perfect gift is from above.
James 1:17
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Pretty Good News
I got a call from Clark's doctor and the cultures came back positive for staph, but negative for MRSA! Thank goodness. The antibiotics he's on are overkill, but that's ok as long as it zaps the staph. There's not much new news right now, but I figured that was worth a post.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Halloween & updates
I have been so busy lately & craving a technology break that I've yet to post Halloween pics or our update from Scottish Rite. But, fear not...they have arrived.
Halloween consisted of Clark wearing his costume at Mama's house for all of 20 minutes. No trick or treating, no candy. It was an odd Halloween. But Clark was very cute as, himself, of course.
Halloween consisted of Clark wearing his costume at Mama's house for all of 20 minutes. No trick or treating, no candy. It was an odd Halloween. But Clark was very cute as, himself, of course.
Now, as for Scottish Rite, his doctor is very pleased with how everything is looking so far. His socket isn't yet grown around the ball, but it takes time. As long as the ball stays in socket, we're happy.
Ok, and now to the potential MRSA bump....I will provide a picture but if you're squeamish, I advise you not to look as it's pretty stinkin gross. Click below to proceed...
Monday, November 8, 2010
Quick Style
Ok, I wanted to leave a quick post about some recent findings this morning. Clark has had a bump near his incision for several days now. I didn't really think much of it as I know babies can get little heat bumps, etc in the diaper region and since it's near his cast I really didn't think twice about it. But this morning it is huge and looks very bad. Of course, the 1st thing that pops into my mind is MRSA, so we have an appointment in an hour to get cultures and have the doctor take a look. Please pray that it isn't MRSA and if it is that it's treatable...very, very quickly. Thanks you guys!!!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Short & Sweet
Oh boy. The last couple weeks have been interesting. Clark is adjusting well to his cast, far better than Jeramy and I are, for sure. We're pretty sure he's teething (buckets upon buckets of drool...). And this week he's had some allergy junk which is never any fun. Needless to say, we've had very little sleep.
Tomorrow we head back to Dallas for Clark's post op appointment. We're hoping all goes well with that. I'm not exactly sure what all this appointment entails but I'm sure it's nothing big.
Clark is eating like a champ recently. His doctor wanted him eating 3 times a day after surgery and he's certainly doing that, sometimes having a 2nd helping. He really loves oatmeal with applesauce and baby yogurt. A year ago, I never even imagined I'd have a teething, eating boy by this time. It's amazing how time flies and wonderful things happen.
I don't have recent pictures uploaded yet, so this will just be a short little update. Thanks for being loyal readers of our superboy's blog and for all the prayers. They're getting us through every step of the way.
Tomorrow we head back to Dallas for Clark's post op appointment. We're hoping all goes well with that. I'm not exactly sure what all this appointment entails but I'm sure it's nothing big.
Clark is eating like a champ recently. His doctor wanted him eating 3 times a day after surgery and he's certainly doing that, sometimes having a 2nd helping. He really loves oatmeal with applesauce and baby yogurt. A year ago, I never even imagined I'd have a teething, eating boy by this time. It's amazing how time flies and wonderful things happen.
I don't have recent pictures uploaded yet, so this will just be a short little update. Thanks for being loyal readers of our superboy's blog and for all the prayers. They're getting us through every step of the way.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Housekeeping
As you may have noticed, there are some updates to our humble blog. I've added a new header, a poll, chronological pictures with links to my previous blogs, and a subscription option. I hope these improvements will make learning about and keeping up with Clark a little simpler. If you haven't become a follower yet, please consider doing so. I try to update the blog frequently and there is always something exciting going on around here. I also added a Paypal Donation button. There is definitely no pressure here, I've just had a few requests for one. As you can imagine, this year has certainly thrown our budget for a loop.
The top two pictures on the right side have links that take you to pprom.wordpress.com and http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/brandykelley, respectively. The first one is about my pregnancy with comprehensive information on pPROM and the second one is Clark's detailed NICU blog. If you are a pPROM parent or a current/past/present NICU parent, I am always interested in hearing your story. Email me any time, leave your pPROM story here or fill our the pPROM survey here. My aim for my pPROM blog is support and information for mothers & families experiencing premature preterm rupture of membranes. I get loads of traffic there and I believe that the information it contains has helped save babies. If you know someone experiencing pPROM, please refer them to my blog.
Thank you for being a loyal reader of Superboy Clark. It means so much to us that so many people are interested in his life and pray for him constantly.
The top two pictures on the right side have links that take you to pprom.wordpress.com and http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/brandykelley, respectively. The first one is about my pregnancy with comprehensive information on pPROM and the second one is Clark's detailed NICU blog. If you are a pPROM parent or a current/past/present NICU parent, I am always interested in hearing your story. Email me any time, leave your pPROM story here or fill our the pPROM survey here. My aim for my pPROM blog is support and information for mothers & families experiencing premature preterm rupture of membranes. I get loads of traffic there and I believe that the information it contains has helped save babies. If you know someone experiencing pPROM, please refer them to my blog.
Thank you for being a loyal reader of Superboy Clark. It means so much to us that so many people are interested in his life and pray for him constantly.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Big D
I will start by saying that surgery was successful and Clark did better than I could have ever imagined. Please thank God for His never ending love & help He has given us.
We arrived in Dallas on Tuesday. It was a very long day with appointments from 10-5ish. First we were admitted, then we went to the pharmacy to register with them, then we saw occupational therapy for his special spica cast car seat, spoke to the dietitian, next we met the resident & spoke with our doctor, met the nurse and last but not least (trust me, they saved the best for last)...the anesthesiologist. Whew. You better believe we were exhausted.
After we left Scottish Rite, we checked in at the Ronald McDonald House of Dallas (which is absolutely fabulous, by the way.) And yes, we really did rock in those rockers, which was really nice after the long day we had.
I really couldn't believe how nice this RMH was. Apparently, it's brand new.
There are a lot of rules when you stay at an RMH, but they provide 3 meals a day and free laundry facilities, among other things.
We had been given permission to remove the traction leg wrappings & I promptly got to work at unveiling Clark's legs after almost 2 months. It was amazing how cute his legs were!! And he was so happy and doing well at sitting up with a little help.
The next morning, we had to be at the hospital by 5am. When we got there, I had to wipe Clark down with surgical antiseptic to get him ready to go to the holding room.
His million-dollar smile.
They had a teeny gown for him to wear.
The next morning Clark had a CT scan to check on the placement of his hip and everything looked good. We waited to talk to his doctor, and get his carseat in working order, we were discharged around 2pm.
Clark is doing well and more time is going by between time that he needs his pain medication. Diapering is a little tricky, but we're figuring it out. All-in-all, I really couldn't be more pleased with how everything went. I was worried, for sure, but I had faith that things would work out. Scottish Rite is amazing, and I am so glad we opted for that 2nd opinion and chose to have Clark treated there.
We arrived in Dallas on Tuesday. It was a very long day with appointments from 10-5ish. First we were admitted, then we went to the pharmacy to register with them, then we saw occupational therapy for his special spica cast car seat, spoke to the dietitian, next we met the resident & spoke with our doctor, met the nurse and last but not least (trust me, they saved the best for last)...the anesthesiologist. Whew. You better believe we were exhausted.
After we left Scottish Rite, we checked in at the Ronald McDonald House of Dallas (which is absolutely fabulous, by the way.) And yes, we really did rock in those rockers, which was really nice after the long day we had.
I really couldn't believe how nice this RMH was. Apparently, it's brand new.
There are a lot of rules when you stay at an RMH, but they provide 3 meals a day and free laundry facilities, among other things.
We had been given permission to remove the traction leg wrappings & I promptly got to work at unveiling Clark's legs after almost 2 months. It was amazing how cute his legs were!! And he was so happy and doing well at sitting up with a little help.
The next morning, we had to be at the hospital by 5am. When we got there, I had to wipe Clark down with surgical antiseptic to get him ready to go to the holding room.
His million-dollar smile.
They had a teeny gown for him to wear.
Next, we went to the holding room. Which is the last stop before surgery & is as far as the parents can go.
The anesthesiologist, Dr Kelly, (Clark's newest Granny) came to take him to surgery.
We were given a pager and sent to the surgical waiting area. We went to have breakfast in the cafeteria and came back to wait.
The surgery took about 2 hours and then we were able to go into recovery and see Clark.
Clark looked good, especially for just having come out of surgery. He did have the open reduction so there is an incision in the crease of his groin on the left side. He slept until 6:30 pm. I was so happy about that because I was worried that he would be in a lot of pain. They were on top of pain management, I really couldn't have asked for more. As soon as he woke up, I was able to hold and feed him.
Jeramy and I spent the night at the hospital with Clark. He did well until about 3am and then he was fussing I'm guessing because of his position and not being able to move his legs. Finally, Jeramy and I figured out if we propped him up just so between us on lots of pillows that he would be able to sleep comfortably. All-in-all, I don't think I got more than 10 hours of sleep in the 36 hour time frame so I'm still exhausted.
The next morning Clark had a CT scan to check on the placement of his hip and everything looked good. We waited to talk to his doctor, and get his carseat in working order, we were discharged around 2pm.
Clark is doing well and more time is going by between time that he needs his pain medication. Diapering is a little tricky, but we're figuring it out. All-in-all, I really couldn't be more pleased with how everything went. I was worried, for sure, but I had faith that things would work out. Scottish Rite is amazing, and I am so glad we opted for that 2nd opinion and chose to have Clark treated there.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Rally the Troops
We leave for Dallas in 5 hours. Our appointment tomorrow (really today, hah) is a day-long experience, meeting with the surgical team, the anesthesiologists, therapists & nurses who will be caring for Clark. It's supposed to be something like 10-4. A really long day, especially with a baby in tow.
The reason I'm up so late... well, that would be packing. I was procrastinator extraordinaire for this trip. I think I've packed enough for a year, let's hope that means we'll be home in 3 days. Surely the nurses will look at us like "What 13 pound baby needs 7 outfits, 15 bazillion toys, 6 blankets & a quilt for a 2 day hospital stay?" I'll tell you who....
The reason I'm up so late... well, that would be packing. I was procrastinator extraordinaire for this trip. I think I've packed enough for a year, let's hope that means we'll be home in 3 days. Surely the nurses will look at us like "What 13 pound baby needs 7 outfits, 15 bazillion toys, 6 blankets & a quilt for a 2 day hospital stay?" I'll tell you who....
This kid. The one who was sitting up on his 9 month birthday...with just a teeny bit of help.
Oh yeah, and he tried to eat my hamburger today. I don't know what's happened in the last 3 weeks, but it's like my preemie turned into a big kid all of a sudden. He's rolling everywhere and he bounces like crazy. I'm guessing that's where someone, somewhere got the term "bouncing baby boy". We certainly have one of those.
Guys, I know there are quite a few of you who read this blog. I watch the stats pretty closely and I'm amazed. US, Canada, UK, Germany, Hong Kong, Singapore, Brazil, Australia, Netherlands, China. Wow. People from all over the world know about my son. It's humbling. Right now, I'm going to ask a favor of you...
Please pray for Clark. This surgery is a huge deal. He's a tiny baby. I know how much he's been through and I know the huge mountains God has moved. I believe that God has been answering prayers for Clark since before he was born. There is no such thing as too many prayers. We need every one. So, if you will, take the time to pray for us on the next few days, especially.
I feel like we have an army behind us on this quest. It's a comforting and empowering feeling, let me tell you. I have felt peace fall over me this week, I have a renewed sense of strength and focus and I feel mentally ready to meet this surgery head-on because of all the prayers being offered up for us. I'm rallying the troops to keep those prayers coming.
I will do my best to keep everyone updated day-to-day while we're in Dallas. Again, I really appreciate you caring enough to read about Clark and pray for him. It means so much to us.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Loss
Here I am, at 5am, sitting on the couch I spent 71 days on last year. I can't sleep. Exactly one year ago, my life changed forever. I came to know the meaning of pPROM, I learned what it meant to fight for someone's life. Someone I didn't really even know.
Looking back on this day a year ago still sends me to tears. I can't explain the feeling of making it to the 2nd trimester after a more-than-rocky 1st trimester, only to have your water break at 2am at 16 weeks. I could try to explain it, but there really aren't words. I can't explain being on bed rest for 95 days, but I can tell you that despite the horror of it, the fear of losing everything, that it was the easiest part.
I could never really explain the joy of Clark's birth day. Smack in the middle of the worst days of my life was the most beautiful day. Seeing his tiny pink nose, the rest of him obscured in a tight swaddle of blanket was the most beautiful sight I have ever beheld. I had all the faith in the world on that day. All of my doubts and fears were dulled by the faith that God had heard the millions of prayers and Clark would have lungs.
There is no possible way I can explain the NICU. For parents of micro-preemies and very sick babies, it's not just some inconvenience. It is their BEST case scenario. Above everything, we wanted to be in that unit. Being there meant we still had a baby. There were moments of sheer terror, unexplainable frustration, tears of fear & of joy and those from being absolutely shell shocked for over 100 days. I still cry every day for some reason related to Clark's journey or something to do with premature birth. Yep, I'm crying right now.
I awoke at 4 this morning to news that another of my pPROM/NICU moms had lost her precious baby after a hard 6 month battle. I ask that you please pray for Jennifer & Steve Teegarden in the coming days and months. Baby Natalie was a loved and wanted baby. She put up an extremely hard and courageous fight and her parents wanted her here to love and raise. There is nothing more unfair and heartbreaking than a parent losing a child.
May I just say that I was pro-life before all of this. It would be more accurate to say that I am now anti-death. As hard as we worked, as I've seen others fight for their children, I can't comprehend how someone could end their child's life simply because it's inconvenient for them. Keep walking for March of Dimes, lighting candles in memory of those lost, but please, never forget the real people behind those causes.
________________________________________________________________
Clark's surgery is 3 days away. I am terrified. You don't come out of a situation we've been in and ever want to walk back in a hospital. You especially do not want your child going under the knife, being under anesthesia or on a ventilator. And it's not just the "I don't want them to go through this" feeling. It's the fear of death, of the worst happening, for everything you've fought for & love to be gone in an instant.
We know, all too well, that it can and does happen. Far too often.
I'm praying for a very uneventful surgery and hospital stay, and after what God has done for us I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that he can move mountains. But, I can't explain how scared I am of something bad happening. And don't think for an instant we doubt His power, because we certainly don't. Please join us in prayer, specifically on Tuesday (when we meet the surgical team), Wednesday (surgery), and Thursday (the 1st full day of recovery). Your prayers over the last year have been answered. There is no limit to what God can do.
May I wrap this up by saying that Clark is 9 months old today. He has blossomed so much in the past 2 weeks, it's unreal. He's laughing at more people, returning smiles, almost sitting up, rolling everywhere and bouncing like crazy. The love I have for this sweet boy is fierce and the most powerful feeling I've ever had. I want to thank you for your prayers that made it all possible.
Looking back on this day a year ago still sends me to tears. I can't explain the feeling of making it to the 2nd trimester after a more-than-rocky 1st trimester, only to have your water break at 2am at 16 weeks. I could try to explain it, but there really aren't words. I can't explain being on bed rest for 95 days, but I can tell you that despite the horror of it, the fear of losing everything, that it was the easiest part.
I could never really explain the joy of Clark's birth day. Smack in the middle of the worst days of my life was the most beautiful day. Seeing his tiny pink nose, the rest of him obscured in a tight swaddle of blanket was the most beautiful sight I have ever beheld. I had all the faith in the world on that day. All of my doubts and fears were dulled by the faith that God had heard the millions of prayers and Clark would have lungs.
There is no possible way I can explain the NICU. For parents of micro-preemies and very sick babies, it's not just some inconvenience. It is their BEST case scenario. Above everything, we wanted to be in that unit. Being there meant we still had a baby. There were moments of sheer terror, unexplainable frustration, tears of fear & of joy and those from being absolutely shell shocked for over 100 days. I still cry every day for some reason related to Clark's journey or something to do with premature birth. Yep, I'm crying right now.
I awoke at 4 this morning to news that another of my pPROM/NICU moms had lost her precious baby after a hard 6 month battle. I ask that you please pray for Jennifer & Steve Teegarden in the coming days and months. Baby Natalie was a loved and wanted baby. She put up an extremely hard and courageous fight and her parents wanted her here to love and raise. There is nothing more unfair and heartbreaking than a parent losing a child.
May I just say that I was pro-life before all of this. It would be more accurate to say that I am now anti-death. As hard as we worked, as I've seen others fight for their children, I can't comprehend how someone could end their child's life simply because it's inconvenient for them. Keep walking for March of Dimes, lighting candles in memory of those lost, but please, never forget the real people behind those causes.
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Clark's surgery is 3 days away. I am terrified. You don't come out of a situation we've been in and ever want to walk back in a hospital. You especially do not want your child going under the knife, being under anesthesia or on a ventilator. And it's not just the "I don't want them to go through this" feeling. It's the fear of death, of the worst happening, for everything you've fought for & love to be gone in an instant.
We know, all too well, that it can and does happen. Far too often.
I'm praying for a very uneventful surgery and hospital stay, and after what God has done for us I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that he can move mountains. But, I can't explain how scared I am of something bad happening. And don't think for an instant we doubt His power, because we certainly don't. Please join us in prayer, specifically on Tuesday (when we meet the surgical team), Wednesday (surgery), and Thursday (the 1st full day of recovery). Your prayers over the last year have been answered. There is no limit to what God can do.
May I wrap this up by saying that Clark is 9 months old today. He has blossomed so much in the past 2 weeks, it's unreal. He's laughing at more people, returning smiles, almost sitting up, rolling everywhere and bouncing like crazy. The love I have for this sweet boy is fierce and the most powerful feeling I've ever had. I want to thank you for your prayers that made it all possible.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Prairies & Pineywoods
"Following the Lampasas River from the Stillhouse Hollow Dam, travelers soon enter a tall bottomland forest. Throughout this forest, a series of boardwalks and bridges cross creeks flowing into the river. Visitors can enjoy several impressive waterfalls along the way."
Today Jeramy, Kade, Clark & I went to Chalk Ridge Falls, one of the parks in the Chisolm Trail loop of the Prairies & Pineywoods Wildlife Trail. I've been going there to hike for over 15 years and while the trail isn't near what it once was (hint, hint Corps of Engineers...) it is still a treasure in our area.
There are tons of animals & other wildlife at this park. In the years I've been going there, I've seen raccoon, armadillo, possum, deer, owls, snakes, tons of birds and even one otter! Today I noticed lots of butterfly. It really is a great place to hike.
We brought the camera along today & captured some great pictures.
Today Jeramy, Kade, Clark & I went to Chalk Ridge Falls, one of the parks in the Chisolm Trail loop of the Prairies & Pineywoods Wildlife Trail. I've been going there to hike for over 15 years and while the trail isn't near what it once was (hint, hint Corps of Engineers...) it is still a treasure in our area.
There are tons of animals & other wildlife at this park. In the years I've been going there, I've seen raccoon, armadillo, possum, deer, owls, snakes, tons of birds and even one otter! Today I noticed lots of butterfly. It really is a great place to hike.
We brought the camera along today & captured some great pictures.
With Clark's surgery fast approaching, I had the urge to get out and enjoy some "normal". Your prayers are needed for a successful surgery & a very uneventful hospital stay.
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